Love, The worlds view-God’s view

 

Titus 2:4 is a wonderful verse of scripture, which admonishes older owmen to teach younger women to love their husbands.  Now, in the early years, I never sought out an older woman of the church to teach me anything about my husband.  I guess I never really considered loving my husband a skill that could be taught.  But the more and more I look around me, I see that apparently it is a learned behavior and that many are learning how NOT to love their husbands from other women who don’t even profess to be teachers!!!  But, none the less, we have tendencies to replicate actions we see portrayed around us, and a lot of times the actual atmosphere we spend a lot of time in, will shape and mold us even if we don’t realize it.  So, what is love?  What does it mean to love someone else?  Our culture would lead us to believe that love is all about feelings and emotions. Movies, television, music and books depict the love between a man and a woman as uncontrolled physical passion.  The world says such love is “bigger than both of us,” a force that carries us away.  We’re taught that we “fall in love,” which is something we can’t control.  Well, that theory in itself sets us up for failure.  Because if you can’t help but fall in love, wouldn’t that mean you coudln’t help “falling out of love?”  Well according to Scripture, love is 2 things: Love is sacrificial – the greatest example of love is God sacrificing His Son, Jesus Christ, that we might have our sins forgiven and our lives redeemed. Secondly, Love is unconditional.  This kind of love is not based on peformance, and it does not diminish when we fail.    These might be totally foreign concepts to you, In fact, it may even seem impossible for you obtain love at these levels.  Right?  WRONG!!!  When we allow the Spirit to empower us, we are capable of loving our husbands with the love of Christ—-sacrificially and unconditionally.                       A wife is God’s gift—a rare and precious offering to her husband.  She conveys the Lord’s love and care for that man.  In this day of pressure, demand and expectation, we need to realize that marriage is more than just one human living with another.  It’s something sacred.  I bring a bit of God into my husband’s life.  This elevates me from my position as family – car controller, chore keeper and laundry sorter to a position of prestige and extreme importance and contribution.  I am something holy, given to a specific man—my husband. To totally understand what it means to love our husbands sacrificially and unconditionally, let’s look at what love is NOT!! Myth:  Love is all about feelings Reality:  Love is all about commitment and action.  Feelings fluctuate along with our moods.  Love acted out is steady and consistent, not like a roller coaster. Myth:  For two people meant to be together, love will come naturally and easily. Reality:  Even under the best of circumstances, love takes work.  Because true love is based on action and commitment, it doesn’t flourish by itself.  Love will not automatically increase in amount and intensity as the days and years pass.  Therefore, the expression of love is something that we have to learn and work at!  Myth:  Love means everything in marriage will be fifty-fifty and totally equal. Reality:  Love means giving 100 percent, even when it feels unfair. Throw out your scorecard and forget the idea that your husband should meet you halfway in everything.  Married love means giving 100% regardless of what your husband is giving.  Sound unfair?  From our human perspective, it is.  But remember; “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).  He gave His all, though we deserved nothing.  We can’t do any less in loving our mate.  We must forgive and love over and over.  Will this be easy?  No.  Will we ever get tired of being the giver?  Yes.  Will we sometimes want to throw in the towel?  Probably!  However, the closer our relationship with God, the easier it will be for us to love unconditionally and sacrificially.  Looking at what I just covered, what are some specific ways we can “learn” to cultivate love in our marriages? 1)  Study your husband.  Make a list of his strengths and weaknesses.Tear the list of weaknesses into little pieces and throw them away.  Review the list of strengths and each week, focus on a different one.  That way you will begin to notice through out each day and week, how strong your husband is in different areas, and it will cause you to appreciate him for this.  Give him compliments each day.  Remember, he’s not perfect, but you love him. 2)  Listen to him.  Most women are good at multi-tasking.  But this is one time, when you need to focus and not be doing 10 things at once.  Stop what you’re doing.  Make eye contact.  Ask questions and encourage him to tell you more.  3)  Commit to a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship.  Learn what your husband enjoys, communicate your desires, and make time to be alone together!  Be creative – be daring.  Above all else, be willing to change yourself.  As you improve, so will he! 4)  Pray for your husband.  Pray every day that God would bring people and events into his life that would open his heart to the gospel, and increase him physically, spiritually and emotionally. Over time, we can unconsciously take our husband and marriage for granted.  We don’t pay as much attention to cultivating our relationship as we once did.  We become comfortable or we can unwittingly develop individual lives.  Then,  try to find an older woman, or someone whom you respect and can look up to, and talk to them and ask for their input.  And if you might happen to be that older, mature woman already, then you maybe you need to make sure you present yourself to others as someone who is loving and open to share what you have learned.    We all need teachers.  We all need each other.  Ladies, we’re in this together!