It’s not always about the big things. . . . .

Well, that special day for my special man has come and gone.  It turned out wonderful and so many people participated in different ways.  I just want to thank everyone who sent an email or card.  The scrapbook we put together turned out awesome!  I realized in putting this event together, that my husband is a very special man with a very special calling and ministry.  He does it like no other man does!  And I think that’s a good thing.  This day of appreciation meant a lot to him, and myself also, but I’ll say it again—it’s not always about the big things (events)!  I have always said this, and it has even gotten me in trouble a few times.  I believe we truly show how much we care about someone, not just on the birthdays, the anniversaries, or other milestone markers, but we really prove it day by day.  I believe I am married to one of the sweetest, most loving and caring men on the face of the earth.  Ask me if I’ve always felt like that!!!  NO!  Just like every other married couple, we went through our hard times.  We had our fights (and I really means fights!).  I had my doubts and so did he.  But somewhere along the line, we decided that we were in this for keeps and decided to do whatever it took to make it work.  Today, we reap the benefits of that good choice and all the years of planting and watering our relationship.  I believe my husband treats me like a queen, but I also know that he does that because I treat him like a king – and vice versa – I treat him like a king because he treats me like queen!  This becomes such a natural act of love, that it comes to a point where it doesn’t matter who goes first.  It’s not forced anymore – it actually comes from the heart.  Are we perfect?  Absolutely not.  I still have a tendency to want things to go my way.  He still has that tendency to think he should be in control of everything.  But, we work on it.  This is how it becomes a day to day expression of our love for each other.  You give a little here, you give a little there, you get a little here and you get a little there!  One of the biggest dangers to a very loving and nurturing relationship between husband and wife is selfishness.  When all you focus on is what YOU want and how YOU want it to go, and what YOU think is right, then there will only be problems.  One time my husband and I were talking and he made a statement that kind of threw me off for a minute, but over the years, I’ve realized it’s absolutely true.  In a marriage, you should always consider yourself lucky to have your partner.  When you start thinking they are lucky for having you—-then you’re in trouble.  Now, like I said, that tends to throw you off when you first read or hear that statement, because let’s face it, we all think fairly highly of ourselves, even if we say we don’t!  But the truth of that statement is that as long as we feel lucky to have the person we share our lives with every day, then we will probably treat them with respect and care for them and not always be thinking about how something can benefit ourselves.  I’ve dealt a lot over the years of ministry with individuals who operate in very manipulating spirits.  This wreaks havoc in a marriage and quite honestly any other relationship also.  According to scripture, honesty is not just the best policy, it’s the only policy.  And you know there have been times when I’ve caught myself planning out a situation so that I could say the right words or do the right thing to make it work out the way I wanted.  Now, I don’t think I am a manipulative person, but at that particular point in time, I was manipulating.  Husbands are not given to us as a gift to manipulate, God blesses us with the man in our life to love him, to respect him, to make sure that everyone else respects him and to look to him for your comfort, support, provision and guidance.  Believe it or not, they can teach us a few things—and on the same hand, we can teach them a few things too.  All in all, I guess what I wanted to say today was that we had a wonderful day of appreciation for my husband Rodney, but first and foremost, I want him to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love him and care about him EVERY day!  And I want him to know that I consciously think about him every day, I consciously think of ways to affirm him, I make an effort to please him, I think of ways to help him.  And I know that I am safe to love him in these ways, because he will do the same for me.  I pray that you are in a relationship that you feel safe to live and love like this.  If not, consider making those changes and see if some changes might come your way.  Through prayer and concerted effort, except in the case of abuse, I believe all things can be blessed by the hand of God.  Let me know what you think about this and share the things you have learned along the narrow road of your marriage.  God bless you and keep you!