How’s Your Marriage Going?

“I thought everything was going along just fine!  I didn’t even know anything was wrong.”

A friend of mine actually said those words to me—just  before she and her husband separated and eventually divorced.  And she was not the only woman who has ever talked to me, in a state of bewilderment because she didn’t know her marriage had been in trouble—until it was too late!  How is it that as married christian couples, we can allow our relationships with our spouses to be sacrificed?  I use the term “sacrificed” not meaning something that we willingly give up as a statement of our commitment and dedication, but rather as something that is slaughtered and killed.  We can become so busy and so involved in our day to day lives, that our marriages and our personal relationship with our spouse, somehow floats down to the bottom of the list.  We don’t even realize it has happened.  I’m sure we all realize that our marriages are important, but there are literal steps we need to take to preserve the precious gift that God has given us. 

Communicate – And I don’t mean just talk.  Something that my husband always does for me is that he occassionally will ask me if there is anything he can do or change that will help meet my needs.  He truly is very sincere in asking this and I appreciate his sincerity.  This opens the door for discussion and if there were ever anything between us, whether it is in the area of sexual needs, emotional needs or physical needs, it would create the perfect opportunity to discuss it. 

Work on your Relationship – Nothing in life comes about by accident.  If you want a great marriage, then you will have to work toward it.  Rodney and I have a good relationship.  The only reason I don’t say we have a great relationship is because I feel like you should constantly be working toward the “great”.  If you ever feel like you have arrived at the “great place”, you might have the tendancy to quit working on it.  Please don’t do that.  Put as much energy and hard work into your marriage as you do your job, your house, your children, your hobbies, your education, and anything else that is important to you.  Your marriage actually needs the most attention, because God has brought you together to be “one”, and that is not an easy task.  It takes much prayer, commitment and hard work.  Love is the catalyst, but we, individually, must constantly be striving toward that special goal of unity.  No one is perfect, so there will always be room for improvement. 

Perfect Sexual Intimacy – This is extremely important.  Even if you might happen to be a person who doesn’t need a lot of touching, caressing, whispering, and sensual talk, your spouse may need all of those things.  Do you know them well enough and love them enough to give of yourself, even if it might be more than you yourself need?  There is nothing more special than knowing everything about your spouse’s body, knowing what will boost their moral, what will show them how much you really care about them.  Even as I sit here and write this post, my wonderful husband just walked in from the store with a little gift for me.  It didn’t cost a lot, but it was perfect and it showed me how much he cares and thinks about me.  Do you show your spouse how much you care about them?  It really only takes little acts of thoughtfulness.  It’s not always about the big things.  A kiss, a post it note, a small gift, picking up the slack when they’re ill, an email, a card, a touch, a nibble, a giving of yourself—these will all help bring about intimacy.

If you’re not sure where your marriage stands, or if after reading this, you just want to make sure—just sit down with your spouse and ask them.  If you really want to know–just ask!